Lime School

I Am Talking About Sports, and No I Am Not Dying

Emil Sayahi
Sandra Dunstan-Hoover
AP English Language and Composition
28 February 2020

I Am Talking About Sports, and No I Am Not Dying

  I’m not a big fan of sports. I vaguely know of the one where the freakishly proportioned, sweaty men try to hit a ball around some greenish field with fake grass. Now, saying this, I’m a big fan of sports. There’s an order to the chaos of it, with all of its arcane and esoteric rules and jargon that define it. I’m certain that if I was raised on it, I’d be a big fan of some guy named John McSportsman and his team, the Denver Colorado Steelmill Workers.
  Now, while Mr. McSportsman is not someone I’m familiar with, I know a little bit about him. As a sports personality, he has status, affect, and charm. He promotes what he’s associated with, even if it’s not connected to his tenure on the Steelmill Workers at all. There have been plenty of men like John McSportsman, even though I’m 70% sure he doesn’t exist. I may not know what sports they play, or who they are, and I may not have even heard their voices, but I’ve seen their faces and I’ve heard their names.
  The way a sport becomes worthy of household discussion is by having people and personalities that become household names. Take tennis for example. Serena Williams is a household name (I found her by searching ‘tennis lady famous’ on Google) that’s promoted a very uninteresting activity into the public consciousness.
  This fame makes a sport possible, as it promotes fandom. Sports are religious, with passionate, inherently disparate and provincial sects of followers fighting one another for recognition. You have loyalty and allegiance on a fanatical level, ensuring ungodly amounts of money goes into keeping the machine going.
  Rolling with this idea a little bit; why aren’t more things sports? Politics, diplomacy, debates, chess, woodworking competitions are all instances where parties of thousands or just one compete to annihilate their enemies in a situation completely undeserving of the gravity it has, as folks cheer on. The answer is merely in presentation. Sure, there are some famous chess players that rival athletes in their fame, but you’ll never see a chess player going for another's throat in any overt sense.
  Sports personalities are what make sports. It’s an omission in the definition, and it’s a big one. As the masses grow more dependent on the adrenaline rush of seeing bags of testosterone fling themselves at each other, there’s a higher bar for these celebrities to reach. They’re no longer players, but entertainers. I mean, seriously, they’re flooding Hollywood, it’s absurd. Anyway, that’s it. Get out of here.


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